There we were, alone, abandoned with no friends or social redemption in sight
We were just two lonely troublemakers looking for love and fun in our lives. The Nigerian Bonnie and Clyde our friends called us, i always thought we weren’t that fancy. One of us had zero sense of direction,whilst the other had the attention span of a bubble. But somehow, together, we made it to work every morning, paid for our own uber every night, and somehow managed to run an apartment ourselves. Somehow, somehow we would smell Tarkwa bay today, it was do or die, whether were two or twelve, the entourage would arrive.
The parabled Island of Fun and Freedom, Beach island, Jetty Island, yes it would definitely make sense. With the amount of pictures these people keep posting online, it must make brain.
Thus with a considerable amount of Vexation and anger red in my cheeks, pretty boy and I bounded into a crappy looking Danfo. It was already one thirty pm and I was more worried about getting enough time to enjoy this so called beach than i was about the travelling conditions.
It was fifteen minutes later before we got to our bus stop, somewhere in Lekki phase one. I checked my Google map readings for the umpteenth time, it placed Tarzan Marine services right next to the intimidating building i was presently staring at. The Lagos Oriental Hotel, soon to be added to my bucket list. Back to the matter at hand, I remembered reading it online, there were three major ways to get to Tarkwa Bay from the lagos island. There was;
- Tarzan Marine Services by Lagos Oriental Hotel at N2000 per person for a 20 minute ride.
- Taking a speed boat by the Marina at CMS for about N1500 per person for a 20 minute ride
- And taking a boat at Mekwe jetty near Bonny Camp with unspecified fee for a 15 minute ride.
It was obvious which one we were going for, i was still a konk Disney fan , something my significant other knew very well so there were no questions asked when I picked “Tarzan “. After asking a few people and consultations with my phone, we finally arrived at our pre-destination, it was as glorious as arriving at the proverbial gates of Eden. The gods had finally accepted me… i mean us, as their chosen to enter the promised land which was just a boat ride away lol. My body started doing me somehow until I realized one of the gates were broken and Eden was looking more like a flooded shipyard.
As our people would say; Mogbe ,moku, modaran, my mother was Ibo but any language would do right now. It was finished, my optimism completely floored, these boats didn’t even look functional, what happened to my adventure,not to mention the pilot they were showing me looked like he was sixty and wasn’t even wearing a shirt.
“Come o, is this man not drunk?”. I asked the guard who pointed him, he was the only person wearing a uniform and honestly looked like the only thing they spent money on in this place. But now all of a sudden I was not so sure, meanwhile pretty boy was there looking unaffected. It’s like he has forgotten who will have to deal with it if I have a breakdown, i swear i just needed one more thing to go wrong before I call it quits so nobody should even try me right now. Or so I thought but it was like that small girl I didn’t give change to on the road swore for me.
“Five thousand wetin?!!” I shouted even louder this time, while the old man was confirmed it. These people will not kill me o, Five thousand per person for what exactly ? This was not what I saw online, how can Google lie like this?
The conversation was short, there was nothing left for me to see there, i was going home already and my chest was starting to do me somehow. I never “experedit”, so this is was why they said life was cruel. I tried to check the time on my phone, but karma would not let go of me yet, Chai, my village people were having daytime meeting ooo. I’d officially given up, let them take me, phone dead, my fantasy was ruined and last last ,I doubt these people had P.O.S services.
Lucky for us we didn’t have to walk too far to get a bike, the idiot was already charging us N1000 to take us back to Ajah, it’s not his fault anyways, just my bad luck today.
I was already planning my evening sleep, when all of a sudden Oga mi that has been quiet all along got an idea, I could already tell before he said anything, his hesitation to climb the bike, the sudden look of inspiration in his eyes.
‘‘OOOOOh God, this boy should not start again’’ i thought with a cringe as I knew what was coming. He noticed my slight depression and probably didn’t want to deal with my “fog of death’’ all the way home. He would have been thinking of all the ways he could avoid that
and had come to one logical conclusion, Tarkwa bay. I laughed in Hindu, i did not have the energy to quarrel with anybody this afternoon, this bike was my new chair and nothing was making me come down.
Another ten minutes passed, we were at the marina in CMS, about to board a speed boat to the fantasy island for about N500 a head. Don’t know how he keeps tricking me into doing what he wants but the fee was lower than expected and I didn’t have any qualms, that and life had left me so i didn’t feel like moving anymore. Ironically I didn’t have to come down from the bike to get here, but that bumpy ride would not prepare me for what I was about to face.
You know the fear that comes from riding an okada on a Lagos highway, that fear is only accelerated once you realize that the person driving the bike is insane, thus comes the realization that you have put your life in the hands of an animal and no one will blame you if you die. A boat ride is sort of like that only the chances of you losing your life are multiplied, but the fear is often diluted by the numbing sensation that comes with an unhealthy amount of adrenaline in your brain. Some people like to increase their chances by renting a private boat, or going somewhere with more adequate facilities and would probably frown at our choice to enter a poorly kept boat with horrible personnel. But i am a firm believer of ‘if it’s meant to kill me I will still die’ , thus I never shy from the opportunity to enjoy my adventures in its most natural, raw form.
And thus we were off to gods’ land as one of the chosen ones, with hope and love renewed once more in our hearts we rode off into the sunset, in what was the beginning of yet another adventure, until the boat stopped in the middle of the lagoon.
“what the F@uq…...
Stay tuned….
The plot thickens.
AFRICA FOREVER…
Yours Faithfully,
The Nosy Nigerian.
